does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
