You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My ass is underappreciated
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
