We won't sleep together?
i think my tv is drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
