I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
