fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
