if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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