So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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