i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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