My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
