You're completely useless in the revolution.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
