dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
