I got chris browned last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
