Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
