So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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