I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
