Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
