I should be sponsored by Trojan
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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