Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
