So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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