how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
