i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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