Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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