I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
