omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
