We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
