yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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