if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
