Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
