my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Barsexuality is the new black.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
