you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
