Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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