I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
not ubering you a puppy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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