My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize