How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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