You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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