The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
