I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize