Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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