Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
