I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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