His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize