im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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