I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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