maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
