I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize