you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The ass gains better be worth it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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