umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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