I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
