thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
