so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
