We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thus making me awesome and them whores
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
