I think im going to throw up on grandma
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
