I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
