my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
