If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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