she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
