I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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