I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize