You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
