literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
